Its A fucked up thing, really...

Makes you wonder if the thing we call "love" is truly the work of the devil, or A gift from god...

Is sex the thing that makes it official? If so, then we as humans beings really must under estimate the term "flaccid". Well, at least the male species must..

She lies there, satisfied, dreaming.. I sit awake, vexed at the actions that took place..

Its amazing the power our minds have. Most people can fake enjoyment, by thinking of another. So long as there aren't underlying emotions involved. But, when there are- Faking it becomes harder each time. You either enjoy it, or you don't...

Sometimes, I wish the woman in my bed were not the woman in my bed- Some nites, I wish she were someone else. I wish she were the woman I actually enjoy talking to. I wish she was the woman that I can make laugh uncontrollably on A regular basis. The woman I can easily go days on in, just starring at, even though her stare makes me feel securely insecure...

I wish she were that woman... That shy, caring, reserved yet outgoing & shallow girl, who I know enjoys my company enough, to spare my feelings unless I ask her not to...

But she is not...

She is the woman who warned me that she may cheat, & did so. She is the woman who flirts easily in front of me, & swears it was nothing.. She is the demon I was warned about- the one who would make me feel as though I have to become like the general population of men, who physically take their anger out on women, when they are disrespected... Thank the powers that be, that despite how she makes me feel inside, I have the strength not to become the typical male..

I often wonder about the female I want in my bed. I wonder if there is A slight chance I could become the man she desires. That perfect human in her eye, that will make her want to spend her days growing old with me.

Then, I realize that I could never be that man, just because I am not the douchebag that's fucking her over as I type this out. That typiclal male, who uses women as sex objects, & treats them just as such, rather than human beings, let alone treating them like A women should be treated.

No... I am not that man...

I am the man, who would treat her right. Take care of her, protect her, love her.... But, even with that, I can never be the man she wants...

Times like these, make me wish I was not A human at all...

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Do unto others, as you want done unto you-

Wicked Concept...

Does it truly work? One action into motion, cause A reaction, and so on and so fourth... Is it A work in futility?

When you do, it does back. Sometimes slowly, sometimes rapid. Its the way it is. I reckon the true matter in what we do, lies in the nature of what we do, or have done.

So, by this logic- we have control over our lives.

But, what if that isnt true? What if everything we do is pre-determined?

Does that mean A negetive outcome comes at us, when we do against that which is written for us to do?

It is the mystery of this thing we do daily, called living- It is the secret that we know nothing of, & strive to better understand through doing what we know best, or what is in front of us as the decisions we make in our daily routines.

....Sometimes, I think its better to not do & merely to wait out time, to see what I could of done. Then,I realize that would be a waste.

But, have I the simplest idea on what to do? No-

Yet, I do it anyways...

Tags: Blah

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Its been lonely lately-

It just doesn't feel like people are there.. But they are.

I'm obsessed with this woman, But its a work of futility...

My mind is fucked,really... & This woman knows it..Yet, I continue to see this her. This woman drives me to the brink of insanity, & brings me back at the last possible moment.

I teach this woman the ways of the old school. She listens, & Actually interacts with me. Its A dream come true, to find someone who can hold their own in conversation. Someone who is comedic, & tragic at the same time. Someone both with intellect & physical appeal...

..Yet, as that song by the great Al Green goes "I can do many things, but I can't get next to you..."

I know that things between us are not likely to go the way I want them to. But, I want to express myself to her. Tell her, how I'd give my all, Move the earth, & Slap god in the face, just to be able to say "That's my women"...

But, this will never happen..

Instead, I'll live miserably, as A friend, oppose to more-

Holding my tounge, instead of risking it.

Guess, friendship means more to me...

Fuck...

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I don't really expect people to care, & Or believe me. & I know speaking on suicide is a cliche thing to do on a goth siite, but I have liitimate reason for attempting suicide as many times as I have.

Long years of clinical depression, & a high intellect, followed by a failing life & the ability to see the overpowering downside of life, versus the few good things- makes me think life is overated.

Now, 32 attempts, & I'm still here? What kind of failure am I? I mean, fuck man- I failed at SUICIDE! I've cut my wrist, electricuted mself, poisended myself, been hit by vehicles, I've done everything except decapitation, * somehow I think I'd come back form that!!

Fuck's sake... I don't even know why I'm typing this out.... How much of a fucked living being am I?

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So- I've a problem:

I am in love with Yoko Kanno's song "run rabbit junk" from The anime "Ghost In The Shell" but, can't find it for download ANYWHERE!!!

So, I was hoping somebody here, could help me find it?? ANYBODY??

If you can, lemme know- I'd love you for life^_^

D.B.

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Hi all-

Wether you like my music or not- I'm in studio finishing a long awaited project.

My FIRST full length cd, Titled "CYBER HELL".

Its my 3rd cd, & Will be released hopefully by March 2009 the latest.

So far, The actuall recording is near complete. Its all coming down to the cover art.

I have no f*ckin' idea waht to do with the cover art. My friends say I should show Androids, Walking in a city covered in flames, with me overlooking it on a high building. What do you think?

Well, I'm Outa here now- Hit me up people!

D.B.

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I'm new here. The last goth site i was on was egoth.com, but it went under awhile back. since then, I was forced to keep my music on myspace(which sucks, cause the people who loved my music were on egoth). I'm hoping to find new friends/listeners here.

I'm 23, & I write/produce elektrometal music. Its the best term used to describe what i do, since its a very ecletic mix of sound, & influence. Once I'm allowed to upload music, I'll do so. Until then (& I apologize in advance) Please go to myspace.com/danielblak to sample my music. Comment me there, or here-whichever you prefer. Good & bad feedback welcome(i'm a humble guy, honestly).

Daniel Blak

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