Its A fucked up thing, really...
Makes you wonder if the thing we call "love" is truly the work of the devil, or A gift from god...
Is sex the thing that makes it official? If so, then we as humans beings really must under estimate the term "flaccid". Well, at least the male species must..
She lies there, satisfied, dreaming.. I sit awake, vexed at the actions that took place..
Its amazing the power our minds have. Most people can fake enjoyment, by thinking of another. So long as there aren't underlying emotions involved. But, when there are- Faking it becomes harder each time. You either enjoy it, or you don't...
Sometimes, I wish the woman in my bed were not the woman in my bed- Some nites, I wish she were someone else. I wish she were the woman I actually enjoy talking to. I wish she was the woman that I can make laugh uncontrollably on A regular basis. The woman I can easily go days on in, just starring at, even though her stare makes me feel securely insecure...
I wish she were that woman... That shy, caring, reserved yet outgoing & shallow girl, who I know enjoys my company enough, to spare my feelings unless I ask her not to...
But she is not...
She is the woman who warned me that she may cheat, & did so. She is the woman who flirts easily in front of me, & swears it was nothing.. She is the demon I was warned about- the one who would make me feel as though I have to become like the general population of men, who physically take their anger out on women, when they are disrespected... Thank the powers that be, that despite how she makes me feel inside, I have the strength not to become the typical male..
I often wonder about the female I want in my bed. I wonder if there is A slight chance I could become the man she desires. That perfect human in her eye, that will make her want to spend her days growing old with me.
Then, I realize that I could never be that man, just because I am not the douchebag that's fucking her over as I type this out. That typiclal male, who uses women as sex objects, & treats them just as such, rather than human beings, let alone treating them like A women should be treated.
No... I am not that man...
I am the man, who would treat her right. Take care of her, protect her, love her.... But, even with that, I can never be the man she wants...
Times like these, make me wish I was not A human at all...
