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It's hard for me to watch...

Today, the divorce was final between two dear friends of mine. Though I do not know what went on behind the closed doors of their home, and I understand that both people had their faults (as no one is perfect), I find it very hard to swallow. I also think one friend is being rather insensitive in this whole thing! Though I've only heard her side as to why the relationship failed, I do not agree with how she handled things. At the same time, we have been on two week-long vacations with these friends, and I can tell you he loved his wife very dearly! She was the apple of his eye, and even with what she has told me caused the breakdown in the relationship, he did not deserve what happened.

In short, she turned 40 and went crazy! She started going out every other night with the girls to go do karaoke and to drink, while he was at the business they shared doing the books for the day. She would tell me that after her daughter left home...whom she would always hang out with before...she realized she had NOTHING in common with this man that she had been married to for 11 years at this point...the man who bent over backwards to help her achieve her dreams of owning her own salon (while he continued to work a day job to make ends meet, he would then work on the salon's books after work, because she didn't know how to do them). About twice a year he would surprise her with some romantic cruise...Alaska, the Caribbean, Europe. So he didn't have the money to lavish her with gifts, but he busted his tail to provide. When she started working out, so did he, because he wanted to improve himself for her (which is a lot more than I can say for my husband...let me tell you).

All the while, she complained that he didn't like the clubs, that she was stuck driving the car she had because he had a plan to get them out of debt, that she wasn't allowed to just go shopping whenever she wanted to. However, the money she was bringing in from the salon was maybe about 1/4 of the household income. She started going out all the time, and around March of this year, confided in me that she had been having an affair with some guy she met at the bar. Someone found out about the affair, and told their church pastor, who called her into his office and urged her to come clean to her husband in their next marriage counseling session (which was being done through an independent counselor not associated with the church...but they had discussed with the pastor that they were having problems and seeing a counselor). She didn't tell her husband, but yet faked her way through a 2 week vacation/cruise that he had surprised her with purchasing a couple of months before...a cruise that would fulfill her dream of going to Italy where her family is from. When they returned, she continued to act like she really wanted to work on the marriage...they seemed happier, and on a few occasions, we all went out for drinks and such.

Then, she drops the bomb on him, and moves in with the guy she had been cheating on him with for months! Since that time, she hasn't seemed happy. She is the one who used to do my hair, but I can't seem to get an appointment with her, as she is hardly ever at the salon...I fear her business is going into the ground. She talks about all the nice things this guy buys her, how he lets her drive his Lexus, etc. However, she has started drinking a whole lot again, started smoking again (and she had been quit for more than 15 years), and every time I see her she is looking older and holder.

Their divorce was final today. And while he is posting on his Facebook that today was one of the most painful days in his life, but that he is putting his faith in God to comfort his heart, she is on Facebook posting pictures of her and the new guy...the guy she cheated on him with...and bragging to the whole world that she is back to her maiden name. She makes it sound like she was in such a hell of a marriage...but I know that her now ex-husband is a kind a gentle man, and if anything, he just wanted her to communicate her feelings to him...he wanted to know how to fix it...he wanted to know what he needed to do. Part of me wants to post that I think she is being very insensitive, part of me wants to slap her. Sure, I get that people grow apart, and that there are times where it is better just to split...but there is a certain order of things...a certain protocol. You DON'T shack up with someone before your divorce is even final, and you allow the other party to grieve! Shoot, my ex-husband was an abusive asshole, and he moved on before I even kicked him out of the house. However, I didn't even start talking to anyone until the divorce papers were filed, and even after it was final, I didn't rub it in my ex's face. When I actually started dating someone about a month after the divorce was final (keep in mind, we were officially separated for 6 months before the papers were filed, as my ex's father passed shortly after we separated, and I didn't want to add insult to injury), I chose not to tell my ex or introduce the new guy to my children until time had passed for some wounds to heal.

Sorry...just had to rant about this. The whole thing has been troubling to me for some time, so much so I barely talk to my friend because I simply do not know what to say to her.
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Bob Ghoulio
It's hard to watch those you care about spiral downwards and feel helpless. I can relate. I watched my father slowly die for 10 years; I felt helpless. I tried to get him to change his ways and his words were: "I rather live a short, happy life than live a long, miserable life." Four months later he...
GothicAngel
Thank you for sharing that.  I myself am just like that man you described.  My wife and I had been together for 7 years both as girlfriend-boyfriend and husband-wife.  I loved her with all my heart and i gave her the world.  I loved her more than anything and then she betrayed me twice.  So bad and ...
The Gothic Butterfly
GothicAngel...I'm so sorry you have had to go through this kind of thing, and as I read your poem, I could just feel it apply to my friends, too. I don't know your ex, but what gets me about my friend is that I know who she is...at least who she was...or maybe it was who she pretended to be for so m...
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